Screwed
by Blimey The Toad
Summary: I got pissed at what Marvel is doing to the XMen, so I guess I parodied it. Not my best, but read and review. Just how I feel the po' Xchillin's be'n treated...


I hate what Marvel is doing to their ever-so-awesome charectors. So I guess this is my sarcastic reply to it. I will post Screwed Pt.2, soon, but it won't be a sequel. It will be what MArvel should have done with them.  
Disclaimer: I don't own 'em. I wouldn't SCREW 'EM UP SO BAD IF I DID, MARVEL!!  
Anyways...  
  
  
The X-Men were all sitting around their living room, happily chatting amongst themselves and eating chips and celery logs (Jean needs *something*, I guess). Rogue was leaning lovingly on Gambit, Scott and Jean were talking about their future, Storm and Logan were doing their daily flirts, and so on. Suddenly, Professor Xavier burst into the room.  
"Hey, my little X-Men. I just got a memo. Looks like we all have jury duty. In Antarctica. Thursday. Oh, except for you, Gambit."  
"Yay!"  
"Because your the defendent."  
"What da heck?"  
"Yeah, apparently you did something years ago that suddenly got brought up into the light. Sucks to be you." Xavier then chair-floated out of the room.  
All the X-Men turned to Gambit.  
"So, what'd you do this time? Steal from the wrong person? Marry another assassin who's suing you for back child support? What?"  
Gambit just mumbled a brief "I don' t'ink Gambit really know."  
"Oh, well. Everyone, let's pack. Jury duty Thursday. Better head out tomorrow. Be ready by 10:00am, sharp." Cyclops warned. "Or be prepared to suffer the consequences."  
Everyone merely muttered an understanding and left the room. Damn jury duty.   
**********  
In the Blackbird...  
  
"Warren, I love you more than life itself."  
"Same to you, Betsy, my love."  
  
"Gambit, you are ever'thing ta me. You are mah life."  
"An' you mine, chere. I will love you forever."  
  
"Jean, let's have a kid."  
"Alright, Scott."  
  
  
"Okay, everyone. We're in Alaska-"  
"Antarctica, honey" corrected Jean.  
Scott blushed. "Whatever. So keep on your t-shirts so we won't get separated. Remember to use the buddy system, everyone!"  
Everyone glared at Scott. He had made them hideous bright lime green shirts (which only Rogue could stand the color of) with a 'lemon-yellow' X emblazened across the chest. When he told everyone to put one on and keep it on until they leave for home again, he got several threats of violence, but he still made them do it. That boy had guts.  
"Alright, so we're here a day early. Find a hotel room-double occupancy-Xavier doesn't want to pay for more than 8 rooms-and get some sleep. See you all tomorrow."  
And they all left the jet in search of rooms.  
  
"Hey, Gambit. Ah can't fly."  
"Wha' your point?"  
"Ah don't have super-human strength."  
"And so?"  
"Ah don't have..."  
Gambit's eyes widened, and a huge grin spread across his face. "We mus' be findin' dis place fo' long."  
And he and Rogue found a hotel, checked in, and locked up in record time. And spent the rest of the night... talking.  
**********  
The Next Day...  
Blah blah blah... the trial... blah blah blah... etc., etc., etc...  
"Gambit, is that true?"  
"I guess it be."  
"That sucks. You're stayin' here, Remy, my love. As I have never done anything wrong, it is right for me to judge you. Trust me on this."  
"Okay everyone. Rogue knows best. We go, Gambit, you stay. Give me my shirt back."  
And they left...  
**********  
A while later...  
"Hey, I be back."  
"How'd you manage that?"  
"Gambit not know. What I miss?"  
"Well, Magneto lost his memory, turned 30 something, and changed his name to Joseph. He's now an X-Man. Oh, and he's dating Rogue."  
"NOOOO!! Oh, well. Que sera, sera."  
"Oh, hi Gambit. Ah'm dating Magneto now."  
"I heard."  
"Oh. Wanna come out to eat with us?"  
"Not particularly."  
"Oh, well. Come, Joey."  
Gambit watched the white-headed, nearly wrinkle-less ex-Magneto who looks absolutely nothing like he used to pass by him.  
"Gambit, you mus' be dreamin'."  
**********  
"Hey, Beasty. Apparently Magneto got amnesia and is dating my ex. Anything else happen?"  
"Well, Scott died."  
"That sucks."  
"Yeah. Jeans pretty upset."  
"Figures."  
"Yeah."  
"Well, bye."  
"Bye."  
**********  
Gambit walked into the living room to see an enraged Betsy storming past him.  
"Why'd it have to end?" She whimpered. "Oh, hi again, Gambit."  
"Hello. Did you an' Warren separate?"  
"Yes. That gambling bastard dumped me."  
"Oh... life's a bitch."  
"Yeah. By the way, did you know that Rogue is dating..."  
"Yes, I know."  
"Oh. See you later."  
"Bye."  
**********  
Gambit walked alone down the corridor. Cursing quietly, he punched a wall. Really, really hard. He broke his hand.  
  
"Hey, Beast. I broke my hand."  
"Sorry about that. Now I'll BREAK YOUR FACE!!" Beast slowly turned into Mystique.  
"Why dat?"  
"Because you're dating my not-really-but-is-refered-to-as-my-daughter-anyways Rogue!"  
"Non. Not anymore. She be datin' de ex-Magneto now."  
"Oh. Well, sorry to have caused any inconvenience. Do you happen to know where I might be able to find them? I would be much obliged."  
"Dey wen' out ta eat. Dat all I know."  
"Thanks. Later."  
"Bye, 'gain."  
**********  
"Dat's it, dis be ridiculous. I mus' end it all... by getting amnesia and reverting back to a fetus!"  
  
And where the Marvel writers will go from there is a whole other bucket of worms.  
  
  
  
  
  



End file.
